Charitable Giving

As a child, I found it great fun to be the person to put our weekly envelope (check enclosed) in the collection basket at Church. Though I knew there was money inside, it was more the thrill of being trusted with the envelope and getting to drop it safely in the basket that lured me.

I know now that my dad was very serious about contributing to the Church and that they gave regularly even when we didn't have a whole lot of money ourselves. That said, my parents never really talked to us about charitable giving. Instead, the message was that life is uncertain and we needed to save all of our money for the future.

I am the youngest by quite a few years in our family of three kids. My brother and sister appeared to my solemn young self as 'reckless' or 'irresponsible' with money; this is what I heard my parents saying at any rate. So I decided when I was about 10 that I wasn't going to repeat their mistakes: I was going to start saving for the future when I hit my early teens. I was quite serious about this, tragic as it seems to me now. I made my own envelopes with titles like 'Rent' and 'Car' on them so that I could stop asking for presents (for the present) and start asking for money to fill these envelopes instead.

I never ended up using these envelopes, and my fear of the future has subsided over the years as I have earned and spent and saved money of my own. But I never gave much thought to charitable giving. Frankly, I had so little money that it didn't seem possible to give any of it away.

This began to change in late 2000 as one aspect of my spiritual journey. I was learning to surrender control and to trust that 'all would be well'. What a relief! When I came back to the States, I felt ready to start putting my own envelopes in that collection basket. But I didn't do much more than that and I wasn't wholly satisfied.

The most significant development happened when my parents generously gave me several thousand dollars from my grandmother's estate. I had many places to put that money: a large student loan and an upcoming trip to Europe being the biggest contenders. However, I decided to try something new. I would take 10% of that money and give it away.

Giving away this money was incredibly rewarding. The whole experience of choosing the beneficiaries, writing out the checks and making sure I filled out a matching gift application so my sum would be doubled was delightful.

Having been someone who hoarded, who had been taught to hoard because the future was uncertain, scary and menacing, it was liberating to break from this habit, make an act of trust, and reach out to others.

As time has gone on, I have strived to give more and more money away and I have never regretted it. Sure, if I felt guilted or manipulated, I would rebel. But when it is my choice to give freely, I find great joy in doing so.

This brings me to another of my recent reads. I found out about Prodigal Sons and Material Girls: How Not to Be Your Child's ATM by Nathan Dungan in the Simple Living Newsletter. Though I don't have kids yet, I'm really interested in how parents can prepare their children for the world and the lure of consumerism. And given the attitude my parents conveyed about money (fear not having enough of it), I was interested in alternatives.

Dungan used to work for Thrivant Financial for Lutherans and started developing workshops about how to talk to kids about money. I like how he talks about examining our culture and modeling good choices to our children. For example, he advocates an approach to money called Share-Save-Spend, where you think about using money in that order (though he talks about the importance of sharing time and talents as well as treasure). So if you give a child an allowance, 1/3 would be devoted to each category.

Not only did the concept of Share-Save-Spend deeply resonate with me in relation to my own spending, I loved the idea of speaking openly with children about money instead of making fear of insufficient money the ruling sentiment. In addition, Dungan talks about involving children in financial decisions early, and encouraging them to question the forces that are pushing them to consume more. For instance, instead of telling your child that you cannot afford the plasma TV (which risks causing a fear reaction), you discuss with your child the fact that buying such an expensive luxury does not fit with your values and the values you wish to have as a family.

Share-Save-Spend encourages balance and is a great tangible manifestation of the idea of living in accordance with one's values. I cannot imagine that kids would be anything but excited at the fun of choosing whom to help with their 'share' allocation.

This simple idea was so provocative that I examined my own finances in these terms. Apparently most Americans give away less than 3% of their net income and save something similar (if they are not already spending beyond their means). When I learned that my Share percentage was a bit lower than I thought it was, I was gratified that I immediately wanted to start giving more--not out of guilt, but out of joy and thankfulness. I didn't want to decrease my Save percentage, so I decided to take money out of my Spend 'allowance' and put it to Share instead. I have been having a good time deciding where to put this extra money.

I have a profound sense of gratitude that my small risk of tithing that money from my parents has paid off so handsomely. I am proud to feel that generosity is finally more prevalent in my character than hoarding. I hadn't realised before that taking action to become a better person would also make me a happier one.